First up in the series, the tired trope of the overprotective father. You’ve undoubtedly seen the memes and T-shirts of “rules for dating my daughter” and the like. In case you haven’t, though, here are an array of examples.
The problem with this is twofold. One, it is misogynistic in its portrayal of the daughter as the father’s property, an object to be guarded. Especially with some of the more extreme cases, like “daddy says I can’t date until I’m 30,” the daughter is refused agency over her own life. This view of dating is a prelude to the tradition of asking the father for permission to marry his daughter. Even if not intended, the message sent is that the woman is taken out of the decision making. It is a negotiation between the two men brokering some kind of deal. The daughter is not trusted to make good decisions in dating and therefore needs a dad who frightens her dates with weaponry or bars her from dating at all.
The second problem is a good example of how the patriarchy harms men as well as women. That is, this trope stereotypes males, particularly teenage males, as sex-starved dogs whose interests in dating are driven solely by a desire to bang their way through half the cheerleading squad. The “joke” relies on the audience’s understanding that the dad is thinking something along the lines of, ‘I was a teenage boy once; I know what they want, and you’re not getting it from my daughter.’ That, at its root, is a kind of confession that men are base animals incapable of fostering genuine relationships founded on respect and care. It demonizes an entire sex as being untrustworthy, and in making that untrustworthiness the basis of a “joke,” it actually condones that untrustworthiness as expected and accepted. It perpetuates a macho male narrative in which it is a father and suitor locking horns in a fight over who is the dominant male in the female’s life. Again, this smacks of misogyny in terms of her lack of agency, but it’s also misandry. The message is that “maleness” fits into the stereotype of alpha man who dominates his daughter or partner, reigning over all other men in her life. A male who doesn’t adhere to these stereotypes is what, then? Less of a man?
And I haven’t yet touched on the violence promoted by many of these memes. Again, the suggestion is that maleness and being a good father hinges on violence. No one of either sex should be taught that violence is the first choice in resolving issues, and yet, in these memes, violence, in fact, deadly violence, is treated as a joke. Imagine being the parent of a teenage boy, one you raised to be respectful and kind. He likes a girl at his school, and her father actually brandishes a firearm when he goes to pick her up on their first date. How would you feel as a parent to hear that another parent tacitly threatened your child with a weapon? I can say as an aunt of three really good, kind nephews that I would be pretty pissed off if they were treated with the assumptions that these memes make.
I would be remiss if I didn’t give a shout out to all the dads who don’t fall into this trap. I think, or at least hope, that most dads out there are actually pretty enlightened individuals who trust their daughters and who make an effort to get along with their daughters’ dates. A good father raises his daughter to be strong and wise, and he knows that when she gets to be old enough to date, she can be trusted to act in strength and wisdom. He also, through his daily interactions with his wife, demonstrates to his sons and daughters how a good man treats women so he knows that his sons will not be the stereotype these armed fathers imagine and his daughters will not tolerate bad behavior.
So here's a T-shirt I can get behind...