It isn’t intended, I’m sure (I hope), but the message that is often sent during this holiday is that bearing children is the highest calling for a woman, and that those who don’t bear children are somehow lesser. When a woman expresses that she has no desire to have children, she is often looked upon as a monster, as though lacking “maternal instinct” is the same as lacking a soul. I’m not a terrible person for thinking, “parenting is a big responsibility that requires a lot of sacrifice. I don’t want that for my life right now, and maybe not ever.” Terrible people are the ones who intentionally get pregnant because they think, “ooh, I want a little baby; they’re so cute; and they’ll love me unconditionally” and then after having a kid realize how much work parenting is and instead of making sacrifices, do a half-ass job of it.
As a teacher, I saw a lot of kids who had half-ass parents. When I chaperoned dances, attended band concerts and drama productions, and cheered from the stands at games; when I coached sports; when I stayed at school after contract hours to help kids, I became more of a parent to some students than their own parents were. Some of my students had moms and dads who had never attended their games, who never helped them with their homework or even asked about their homework, parents who didn’t even know the names of their kid’s friends. Teachers with children of their own were too busy to put in as much extra time at the school. It was the teachers without kids at home who could really put their resources into helping other people’s kids*. I practically lived at the school, some days literally only going home to sleep. I volunteered my time because I cared about my students, and I didn’t have to have ejected a body from my womb to have that compassion.
Yes, mothers who do their job well are vital to a functioning society and deserve praise. My mom is the bee’s knees and I’m very grateful for her! I am genuinely happy for my friends whenever they announce with joy that they are expecting. I understand why many people find having children to be a deeply rewarding and fulfilling life choice. I don’t want to take anything away from them. Just don’t suggest that women who have children are somehow better citizens or more worthy than women who don’t. You all know I’m ambivalent about kids. I may have some one day, I may not. Either way I’ll be happy. But some women don’t have that ambivalence. They know for sure that they don’t want kids. When you meet such a woman, don’t react as though there’s something wrong with her. There are over 7 billion people in the world; we could use more women (and men) who choose not to have kids and instead use their time and money to help people who are already here.
*I don’t want to suggest that people who don’t have kids must then become teachers or work in orphanages or in some way volunteer their time with children in order to be good people. There are plenty of great people out there helping adults, animals, the environment, etc.