Everyone loves to pretend they are more enlightened than others by saying that looks don’t matter. Everyone is also a liar when they say it. Of course looks matter. Multiple studies have shown the advantages that come with being good-looking. Good-looking students get better grades; good-looking adults make more money on average; good-looking people are perceived as more honest and intelligent and are more likely to get away with bad behavior, etc. That’s life in general. It’s a reality most people would say is unfortunate, and those are situations where looks shouldn’t matter.
Now when it comes to dating, we really like to get on our high horse and say looks don’t count. However, not only do they count, but they should. We are programmed biologically to go for good-looking people. And while beauty is in the eye of the beholder to some extent, there are traits that are found to be universally appealing, like symmetry. These are often indicative of good health and genes, because, subconsciously, we desire our offspring to be as strong and healthy as possible, even if on a conscious level we have no desire for kids. It is evolutionary instinct.
Unfortunately, some Christians, in understanding that we have a sinful nature, believe everything about our nature is sinful and needs to be conquered. I assume that is why they like to claim “looks don’t matter,” as though it is in keeping with Christian values when it is not. They quote “Man looks at the outside; God looks at the heart.” While it is true that looks don’t matter when it comes to God’s love and salvation and the Christ-like love we ought to show all people, this concept is not applicable to choosing a mate. And to suggest that looks are utterly meaningless or worthless is somewhat anti-biblical. The Bible frequently talks about the good looks of its heroes. Sarah was so good looking, Abraham feared others would kill him for her so he lied and said she was his sister. Saul and David are both described as handsome. And Esther saved the Jews in part because she was so beautiful. If we praise God for the beauty He creates in natural landscapes, why then wouldn’t we acknowledge the beauty He creates in people? Our society often places too much importance on beauty, but we are wrong to react by going to the other extreme and ignoring its worth completely.
A very wise man once told me (it was Sam, my former pastor) that what a Christian should look for in a husband or wife is someone who is a) a Christian and b) who you’re sexually attracted to. At the time I thought his list was too short. I’d include some brains and sense of humor in there. But now I see the wisdom in his statement. (Partly because I can’t actually be sexually attracted to someone who isn’t smart or funny; that’s how my wiring works). As a Christian feminist, I have no reason to get married other than desire. I don’t need someone to “take care of me” financially, and the social stigma of being a single woman isn’t as strong as it used to be. The benefits of marrying someone would need to outweigh the sacrifices I'd have to make for me to even consider it. That just isn’t going to happen if I can’t get excited about jumping into bed with the person. So while looks aren’t the most important thing, they aren’t unimportant either. And if everyone is honest they’ll tell you they find their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/person they’re considering dating to be physically attractive. No one dates someone they find hideous.
Now, God, in His infinite wisdom, has made all kinds of people who find all kinds of people attractive. I personally don’t care for Channing Tatum, but I know there are plenty of ladies who swoon for him. Conversely, I’ll bet there are women scratching their heads at my Tarkan thing who prefer their men a little more Aryan. If you’re short or tall, chubby or scrawny, blond or brunette, etc. there are people out there for whom you are their “type.” Just as intelligence and talent come in several of forms, so does beauty. And just as you would not suggest someone’s intelligence or talent is worthless, don’t suggest their beauty is.