But it's not just the whirlwind of activity leading up to staging that is making me jittery. It's thoughts of what comes after. Here, some of the things I fret about if I don't distract myself with a good run or episode of MI-5.
1. Religion
As I've mentioned before, Turkmenistan is mostly Muslim. That in and of itself isn't the problem because the government isn't Islamic. The problem is that Turkmenistan is listed as a restricted nation by Voice of the Martyrs, a watchdog organization that monitors the persecution of Christians around the world. Here is their definition of a restricted nation: This includes countries where government policy or practice prevents Christians from obtaining Bibles or other Christian literature. Also included are countries where government-sanctioned circumstances or anti-Christian laws lead to Christians being harassed, imprisoned, killed or deprived of possessions or liberties because of their witness. In Turkmenistan, religious groups have to register with the government and it's pretty much impossible for churches outside the captial to do so. Therefore, if I want to worship in any kind of Christian church, I'll have to be placed in or near the capital. Secondly, even if I am, I believe Roman Catholic and Russian Orthodox will be my only options. That's okay, but will obviously be very different from what I'm used to. Add to that the fact that the services will not be in English or Turkmen, limiting my understanding. Still, I believe the Spirit is present regardless, so I'm praying I'm able to attend something regularly.
2. Lack of Privacy
For the past three years, I've been living alone and got used to the luxuries that go with it. I could come and go as I pleased, watch whatever I wanted, put off chores as long as I wanted, play music I liked, etc. Now I'll be living with a family (of strangers, no less). I like people, but I also like my alone time. I'm an introvert and need solitude to recharge my batteries. Peace Corps warns its applicants that the PC life is like living in a fish bowl. As an American living in a place where you're likely the only American the people have met, you are automatically very interesting to them and always sort of on their radar. Now, that has its benefits as well: instant popularity and invites to dinner. But, for me it will take some adjustment.
3. Doing Well
I'm going to be teaching English as a second language. I have no training in that. I'm used to reading Shakespeare and dissecting it. I'm used to working in a school environment where I relied heavily on pop culture references and sarcasm to build relationships with students. That won't work this time. I don't know what supplies I'll have to work with. I hear there's a textbook in British English. That doesn't bother me because I'm fluent in British, A to Zed. Still, it's not my go to language unless I've been watching Masterpiece Theater recently.
4. Health and Safety
The Turkmen diet is heavy in fatty meat. I'm not sure what vegetables are readily available. The water will require a purifying process. There are snakes and scorpions and poisonous lizards. There will be pit toilets. I will be a stranger in a strange land, distinguishable as such by my looks and language skills, which could make me an automatic target. Although, the safety issue isn't as troublesome to me as the health one since I pick up languages well and will have three months' training before entering my permanent placement. As long as I feel safe with my host family, I'll be okay.
5. Time (and Everything that Goes With Its Passing)
Twenty-seven months is a long time to go without seeing my friends and family. (The hope is that at least my parents will visit once while I'm away, but anyone who'd like to vacay in sunny Turkmenistan, look me up). But it's not just that; it's the change that will take place while I'm away. I may very well have a two year gap of knowledge of the western world when I come back. There will be references to TV shows and pop singers, etc. that I won't get. Peace Corps also warns its applicants that the adjustment to coming back home is just as hard as leaving, if not harder. Home is supposed to be a safe haven, but after living in a strange culture for so long, home becomes the strange culture. My other concern with the passage of time has to do with being single. My hope is that I'll connect with another volunteer and we can continue to share life experiences together after PC. But considering most of the volunteers will be right out of college (and the usual difficulty of finding a real Christian), my fear is I will be spending yet another chunk of my life helping others at the expense of my romantic life. I struggle with this one, because I wonder if it's selfish of me to desire a husband when I'm able to do so many good things because I'm single. If I'd had a family, I couldn't have devoted as much time to my students and certainly couldn't be going to T-stan right now. Still, that "gift of singleness" rhetoric was invented by married people who felt guilty around their single brethren. And I bet even Mother Teresa had her moments when she thought, "I could be having a torrid love affair right now, but instead I'm doing the Lord's work (sigh)."
6. Fitting In
I am a feminist Christian who listed on her resume youth pastor, ballet instructor, dance coach, published writer. Why PC is sending me to a country that is very non-Christian, non-feminist, is listed as third worst country in the world for freedom of the press and where ballet is banned, I'm not sure. But they are, so now I need to buck up for keeping my mouth shut about most of my beliefs. I'd read about previous volunteers starting clubs for things like basketball or volleyball and thought it would be neat to start one for ballet. Guess that won't be happening. People who know me well, know that I love to play Devil's Advocate and push people's buttons. I suspect I'll need to tone that down too.
7. Missing the Comforts of Home
Homesickness has never been a big issue with me. But I've never been so far removed for so long as I will be. It's one thing to be away from home for three years when you're still in the States and can get dark chocolate Reese's. Or to be in Australia for three months where everyone speaks English (sort of). Quite another to be in a third (maybe second) world country where almost no one speaks your language (or even one you can figure out with your knowledge of Latin roots and cognates) and you can forget about keeping up with The Office. With all the other stresses, will a lack of jalapeno chips be my undoing?
So, those are the things I think about. There are others, I'm sure, that I'm forgetting. But if those of you who are on speaking terms with God could remember these in prayer, bless you. If you're not on speaking terms with God, sending me a cheery letter would be nice. See my "Turk-what?" post for my address.