My best friend in Nevada was a grandmother. Granted, she was a young one (upper 40’s), but still, we were obviously at very different life stages. And I’ve had lots of other friends and acquaintances who were from older generations. But I also have lots of friends from younger generations. Many of my former students are people I would pal around with (if I were in Nevada) now that I’m no longer their teacher. And after the T18b’s left, I was the oldest volunteer in Tstan, not that the age difference was generational, but it was wide enough that I felt different. Almost all of my volunteer and host country national friends were several years younger than me.
How do I manage to have friends of such a wide variety of ages? I’m ageless. I grew up with all adults. My brothers, being a decade older, were already in college by the time I hit middle school. So I was raised in a very mature environment. At the same time I am naturally curious and playful, so I also get along with people who are younger.
The problem is, there aren’t enough people like me. In church, and indeed, in most other situations, people segregate themselves by age. Which is depressing. In general, I’ve found that older people are more willing to hang out with younger people than the reverse. Probably has something to do with wisdom. So first I’ll address the millenials in my audience.
When we think about diversity, we think of race, religion, politics and gender. We think we are doing well if we have a group of friends that looks like the cast of an after-school special. But what is often left out of this view of diversity is age. It’s important to understand that people of other generations, whether they be older or younger, have something to offer. To exclude them from your social circle is a mistake. I’d say that one of the reasons I’m so fabulous (and humble) is that I’ve gained wisdom from rubbing elbows with those who are older. Why try to reinvent the wheel when you can solicit advice from people who have “been there and done that?” One of the biggest lies the media feeds us is that people of previous generations “just don’t understand.” We view them as “the other,” a group of people who have never experienced heartache or peer pressure, who view sex as dirty and fun as needless frivolity. The evidence for this is the way older people are used for comedic effect in the media. Why is it funny when the grandmother raps in “The Wedding Singer?” Because it is unexpected that an older person would do something so “hip.”
I’m sorry to make you uncomfortable, but your parents and grandparents do understand you. They have had their hearts broken, they have had friendships disintegrate. They have experienced betrayal. They have had dreams shattered. They still have dreams for the future. They’ve told dirty jokes and cursed and gotten into trouble. They enjoy laughing as much as you do. They even have sex. For fun. So when you’re tempted to think you don’t have anything in common with the older woman in your book club or the elderly gentleman in your Sunday school class, check yourself for age bias.
Now, for those of you older readers who may not have younger friends. Part of my fabulousness comes from the élan I’ve gained from rubbing elbows with those who are younger. Young people are not hoodlums out to steal from you. Most of them are not self-centered troublemakers. Many young people are more globally conscious than many senior citizens I’ve met, and they genuinely want to make the world better. If given the chance they would welcome an older person serving as a mentor. Younger people remind you what it means to be alive, to be hopeful, to look for solutions rather than kvetch about how the world has gone to pot. Younger people remind you to look at the world with a sense of wonderment and awe, that each day is full of possibility.
When I meet someone who looks younger than they are, it is not usually because they’ve had work done. It’s because they live younger. They never stopped learning and exploring. They never stopped playing. They didn’t pick up the “adult” activities of smoking and drinking and wallowing in cynicism and chronic worrying. They didn’t sacrifice pursuing their passions at the altar of capitalism. Those things age you so quickly.
To cultivate a life in which your social network is intergenerational means that you will look younger than you are but also be described as an “old soul.” This is the way it should be. Strive to be ageless.