Additionally, in American culture, choice is king. The next time you’re in the grocery store, swing down the cereal aisle and see how many choices you have in that one foodstuff alone. Americans feel cheated if they don’t have a choice. That’s why some restaurants have ten page menus. Even Burger King’s slogan is “have it your way.” With choice comes a sense of control. Americans can choose to drop out of school at sixteen or to graduate. Then they can choose to enter the workforce, join the military or go to college. They can choose which branch of military or which college, which major. They rarely or never think that they must become whatever their mother or father was before them or whatever their parents want them to be. We don’t assume that our neighbor’s son will be a plumber just because his dad is. And many Americans don’t feel a need to go to school or find a job near their parents. If the school with the best art program is across the country, kids go there, and parents are happy to send them. And if I can get a job in Nevada, I will go to Nevada.
In short, Americans have more control over their lives than people in most countries. The obvious comparison is with places like this where it is socially unacceptable for most kids (especially girls) to pick up and go study in another country or take a job far from where their parents live. And we can always bring up arranged marriages that happen in far too many places in the world. But even in most European countries, many students’ choices are limited by tracking, the practice of telling some students they’re not college material and putting them in different schools. (This is why Europeans “test better” than Americans. Their high school students are the top percentage, college bound students; the “technical school” kids aren’t tested. Whereas in America, everyone is entitled to a free education through the twelfth grade, even special ed students and everyone is tested.) But I digress. The point is that America is best known for its “rugged individualism,” “making your own way,” and “the American Dream.” It’s about choice and action.
But there are some things in life that are beyond our control, and having been raised Arminian American makes dealing with those things more difficult. I was used to having large amounts of control over my life in America. I chose where I lived, what I ate, how I dressed. If I was unhappy with a job, I knew I could do things to fix it or I could leave. I could choose to go on a trip at the last minute. I could choose to take a college course just for fun or switch my church or join a group. Sure there were things I couldn’t control like downsizing at my school, but I dealt with that fine because I knew I could find a job somewhere else based on my awesomeness.
Here are situations I don’t have control over here but that I could do something about if I were in the States.
1) Facebook, YouTube and now gmail are all blocked here.
2) Diet Coke probably won’t be available anywhere in country this summer.
3) I can’t put money on my phone at site and have to do it in Ashgabat in USD.
4) There are only three flights to Abat a week from Bbat. Train tickets must be bought five days in advance. Taxis drive on treacherous roads.
5) I don’t always have running water or electricity.
6) There are no GRE tests scheduled in country so I can prepare for grad school.
7) I lose students because they have to join the military.
8) There’s essentially no church here.
9) Four of my best friends left.
10) My laptop won’t play half the DVDs I brought with me.
1) Nothing’s blocked
2) If a store doesn’t have what I want I go to another store and if need be, order it online.
3) Phone companies are more than happy to take my money anytime any place.
4) There are multiple daily flights between all major cities. I could drive my own car on well maintained roads.
5) Running water and electricity all day every day unless there’s a storm. Even then, things are usually sorted within a few hours.
6) GRE would be offered frequently and without much travel needed.
7) We don’t have conscription.
8) Every religion and wacky cult is allowed to flourish.
9) If a friend moves away, I can still visit them easily.
10) I could just take it in to get fixed. Also, I wouldn’t need it for watching movies, I’d have a DVD player.
And of course, there are bigger, more serious things I have no control of here, both professional and personal. And I just feel utterly impotent sometimes. If I had been raised to be more fatalistic, I could just throw my hands up and say “oh, well,” but that’s not my nature. So I struggle to find solutions, to take some action. Sometimes the only thing I can do is wait. Tom Petty was right. The waiting is the hardest part.