But teaching here is a different animal. Turkmen tend not to have the problems American students do (like pregnancy, gang affiliation, home foreclosure) or if they do, they remain silent about it. It is not a culture that promotes counseling of any kind, so I can’t help in that regard. And when I look at the impact I am making or trying to make, I have to wonder if I’m doing more harm than good by telling Turkmen girls about the magical land across the ocean where women can have any job a man can have and can choose to remain single and aren’t hobbled by koyneks (Turkmen dresses, which Turkmen women admit they hate if they’re honest with you).
I do think I’ve probably done some good just being an example of feminine independence, even if my students will never achieve it. Maybe they will help their daughters, or more realistically, their granddaughters, achieve it. And I’ve definitely taught my students about the outside world. But these things are so immeasurable, and I want to be able to say, ‘yup that’s a different color.’
So what have I done this year that’s measurable? Well, I added four more countries to my passport. I had a couple articles published and edited several issues of a periodical I hope brings smiles to the faces of embattled PCVs. I lost twenty pounds. I learned a new language. I ate tarantulas. I rode an elephant. I got kicked off the Red Fort. I got knocked unconscious by two Marines only to get up and keep playing. (You can believe if I ever have kids they’re going to hear that one a lot whenever they try to quit something.) I schmoozed an ambassador. I tried chal (shudder).
Enough bragging. With the upcoming anniversary of our first year in country there aren’t as many positives to think about when it comes to the program here. I’ve said goodbye to eight fellow PCVs, three of them my closest friends here. That’s my support network gone and with each departure the ratio of remaining volunteers skews toward the sanctimonious and condescending. People keep leaving for a reason, and I may soon be saying goodbye to a ninth PCV.