PJ: One of your readers asked why you don’t write about the positive aspects of Christianity.
MM: Well, I do. I make it pretty clear that my faith is the reason I’m a strong, independent woman. That Jesus makes patriarchy obsolete. In concept. Obviously it still exists. But if everyone followed Christ’s example, the patriarchy would cease. But, yes, I confess that lately the posts have been critical. That’s because something in my life inspired me to write about four or five of my recent posts. But I would like to lighten the tone for a bit, so I’m glad you suggested this.
PJ: So what are some good things about the Church?
MM: When Christians and the Church get it right, they really get it right. From supporting local organizations like free clinics and soup kitchens to sending aid all over the world, they really are a force for good. Also, you won’t find a better support system than the Church getting it right. When you want to talk to someone who’s maybe less biased than your family members who offer to break thumbs because you’re their daughter or sister, it’s good to have the ear of some other mature Christians you trust. I’ve really been struggling with what prompted all those posts. I’ve talked to at least six people about it, to seek counsel. Some of them are people from my church, and when one of them mentioned breaking thumbs, it kind of made my day. But on a serious note, it’s good to have those people thinking about you and praying for you and rooting for you.
PJ: Last year you read a book a week, and even before that you wrote several “kitaplar” posts that discussed the books you read in Turkmenistan. Obviously reading is important to you. What are some of your favorite books or writers of all time?
MM: It’s easier to pick favorite writers than books, probably because I don’t often re-read books. I like Bill Bryson, Jasper Fforde, Edgar Allan Poe, Oscar Wilde. Books that I enjoyed more than others or that had more of an impact on me include The Historian, The Best Things in Life, The Omnivore’s Dilemma. If you go back to childhood, I loved Lloyd Alexander’s Vesper Holly series.
PJ: The Bible’s not on your list?
MM: (laughs) That reminds me of an essay I wrote years ago that I have yet to adapt for this blog. It was about my hilarious foray into online dating and all the answers in people’s profiles that annoyed me. One of the questions you had to answer was what’s your favorite book? And of course I was matched with several people who put “The Bible.” It was one of my biggest pet peeves. Because that answer doesn’t really tell you anything about the person’s tastes. If you’re a Christian, the Bible is the living, breathing Word of God. It’s not really a book in the sense that people mean when they ask what your favorite is. I want to know if someone reads decent stuff or if they’re borderline aliterate. I found that when people answered “The Bible,” it usually indicated that they don’t read. It was the only book they could think of.
PJ: Online dating, eh?
MM: Oh, it was awful. I got matched with some real doozies. Like the guy who said “liberalism is a mental disorder.” Or the one who said the person who had been most influential to him was Rush Limbaugh. It’s hilarious to look back on it now because I have all these stories, but at the time it was sort of heartbreaking.
PJ: What other funny stories do you have from that experiment?
MM: There was one guy who put that he’s really interested in BDSM, just right there on his introductory page. You would think that might be something you’d bring up a little later on down the road. Or maybe consider using a different site that catered more to that interest. But, no, it was like “Hi, I’m Jim, I’m on this relatively conservative dating site, but I’d like to urinate on you” or maybe he would have preferred being urinated on. Obviously I did not initiate contact to find out.
PJ: So, no success with the online thing?
MM: No. There was one match who was cute with the long, dark Jesus hair that I like, and he even mentioned being interested in Messianic Judaism. But he lived in California and wasn’t interested in matches outside his area.
PJ: Can you explain what Messianic Judaism is for your readers?
MM: Can’t they just google it? It’s basically Christianity as practiced by converted Jews or other people who are interested in preserving more of the Jewish religious/cultural roots of Christianity. I don’t consider myself to be Messianic, but I do have elements of it in my practice. I celebrate Passover and Purim, for example.
PJ: You seem like you enjoy being single, though.
MM: Well, ideally I’d like to find someone to share my life with, but there are sacrifices you make when you couple up, and the benefits a person brings to the table need to outweigh those sacrifices for me to be interested. A couple times I’ve overestimated what a person brings to the table, but I won’t enter a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. My mom thinks I’m too picky and don’t date enough, though.
PJ: You make it sound like there’s a mathematical formula involved when you determine whether to date someone.
MM: Does that surprise you given our last conversation about falling in love? Obviously there’s no formula, but logic is my thing, and I’d be lying if I said there isn’t sometimes a mental organizational flow chart involved in some of my decision making. But it’s not like I’m devoid of feeling. I just do my best not to be misled or ruled by emotion. I’m actually very passionate. If I didn’t have the analytical side for balance, I’d get into a lot of trouble. And I mean a lot. My basic nature is very primal. I would have gotten into a lot of fistfights in school, probably. As it is, I nearly got into a couple anyway. And I would have won, not necessarily by brute strength, but by determination. I’m very…perseverant. (smiles) I have another story. But maybe I’ll save it for a blog post.
PJ: Is it about a fistfight?
MM: No, but it’s about my perseverance, which sometimes borders on stupidity. It’s about a solo trip I made to a ghost town in the mountains. But I’ll wait for another time to tell that one.
PJ: Another solo trip?
MM: They’re fun. Travel is like relationships. It’s better to go by yourself than with someone who’s going to slow you down or make the trip miserable. When it’s solo you can just pick up and go with little to no planning. Everything is tailored to your desires: the destination, the stops along the way, the music you listen to in the car, the amount of time you spend at each activity. Though when you extend the metaphor to life and relationships, it makes being single sound like it fosters selfishness. It’s actually something I’ve worried about since Donald Miller articulated it in Blue Like Jazz. That being single for long will negatively impact me that way. But going back to travel, I will say that when you find a good travel companion, it makes the trip really fun. There’s a greater sense of security and you’re making shared memories.
PJ: Tell me about a time you had a good travel companion.
MM: Cambodia. Hands down. A big part of it was that my friend lived there so he really knew how to navigate the country and the customs. But he was also a gracious host, asking what I wanted to do and remaining chill enough to change plans. Chillness is really important in travel. You can’t get ruffled easily or you’ll never enjoy it. People can read my posts about that trip in August 2011. Just remember that the posts are in reverse order so the oldest one is the furthest down the screen.
PJ: You’re pretty musical. You sing, and you play several instruments. What music do you listen to?
MM: Led Zeppelin and U2, most classic rock. I like raw voices like Robert Plant and Chris Cornell. My tastes are pretty eclectic. I like classical and ‘80’s stuff. I love a lot of Middle Eastern music like Tarkan and Niyaz. I don’t really do country or rap, except Eminem.
PJ: Eminem?
MM: He’s a good wordsmith. And he’s from Detroit, so, you know, Michigan pride. I really do have a wide range of musical appreciation which surprises some people. I remember some kid, when I was substitute teaching, being shocked when I told him to turn his Rammstein down because I could hear it through his ear buds. “You know Rammstein?” “Yeah, who doesn’t love ‘Du Hast’?”
PJ: What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you?
MM: I got my tongue caught in my braces. And not from anything cool like making out with someone. I was just using my tongue to get some food out of my braces and the string that attaches the underside of your tongue to the bottom of your mouth got caught in them. It was a Sunday and we were at a restaurant in another city. My parents had to drive me to my dentist’s house for him to fix it. I don’t know if that’s the most embarrassing thing, but it’s the first thing that comes to mind.
PJ: What’s something that people misunderstand about you?
MM: I think there are lots of things people misunderstand about me. I don’t fit in a box and that really freaks some people out. I mean, to the point that they can’t even manage a relationship with me beyond a passing hello. It’s weird. I’ve also had people mistake my kindness for softness. They try to take advantage of me, or try to push me around, not realizing who I am. But then they learn. Sometimes they’re smart enough to learn the easy way. That’s why one of my near fistfights wasn’t an actual fistfight.
PJ: Okay, you have to tell that story.
MM: I was a freshman in geometry and we were doing group work. My group was done and we were just talking and there was a sophomore girl nearby who had a reputation for being a rough girl. She got into a lot of fights and might have had a juvie record. She told us to shut up, and I said, “no.” She looked at me and said, “what did you say?” I’m pretty sure she assumed that since I was who I was, a brainy goof who took ballet, and she was who she was, that I would just shut up. But I looked her in the eye with a cold stare and answered, “I said, no.” I was fully prepared to get into it with her. I kinda wanted to, because you don’t tell me to shut up. You just don’t. Something must have clicked in her brain because she just looked down and went back to her work. I don’t want to make it sound like I’m some street thug; I’m just not a pushover. I’m very patient and kind, but I have my limits, and it’s best that people not test them. (laughs) I feel like things maybe got less lighthearted there. Like maybe you should ask me what kind of tree I’d be.
PJ: Ok, if you were a tree—Just kidding. This last one I got off the internet, though. If you could have anyone as your mentor, who would it be?
MM: Michael Palin. He’s done a lot of things that I would love to do. He made a living doing sketch comedy, he’s written books, and he’s hosted travel shows. He just has a resume that I am incredibly jealous of. And I think he’d be a pretty affable fellow, too. I get the impression he would take to mentoring rather well. You know, be instructional yet supportive. Plus all that instruction would be in a British accent, so…bonus.
PJ: So what’s your next post going to be about?
MM: I have some things brewing. I’m going to try to keep the next few posts light and upbeat. Usually the negative ones are a result of someone doing or saying something awful, and I just have to react. But I have some ideas for some pleasant entries. And you just gave me another idea for one about that trip.
PJ: I look forward to reading it. Thanks for taking a little time to sit down with me for this lighter piece.
MM: Hey, thanks for suggesting it. It was fun.
Peter Jones is a world traveler who has never tried online dating and who has never come close to getting in a fist fight.