At first, it sounds like a joke, “I’m giving up guilt for Lent,” but hopefully when I put it into context it will start to make sense. Recently I’ve been struggling with some anger. I hate being angry. I feel guilty about being angry. I have that heretical streak of stoicism in me that is ashamed of emotion (at least the negative ones). When I’m sad or angry, I shame myself for feeling that way. You know, “you have no right to be sad; lots of people have it worse than you. You’re supposed to be grateful and joyful. Don’t be a bad Christian” or “you can’t be angry at that person, you have to forgive people who treat you like dirt (and forgiveness looks like immediately brushing the matter off and thinking nice thoughts about the person). Don’t be a bad Christian.”
Would I say those things to someone else who was in the same situation? No. I wouldn’t even think those things if someone else were in the situation. I’m harder on myself than I am on others, and I’m just now learning that that’s not necessarily a virtue.
I felt so guilty about my anger that I went to my pastor for counsel on how to get rid of it. This anger is actually a result of grieving, which I probably knew subconsciously. But my conscious mind just kept berating me saying “you should have gotten over it by now.” Once I heard someone else articulate that it’s a part of the grief process you have to pass through (not “get rid of”), I could start to cut myself some slack. What really struck me was when he said, “Maresha, I wish you would extend as much grace to yourself as you do to other people.”
Lent is a time to reflect on the sacrifice through which there “is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Rom. 8:1) When you can’t forgive yourself for something that God has already forgiven you for, or when you condemn yourself for things God doesn’t condemn you for, you have a problem. So for Lent I’m giving up guilt. When I feel something, I will allow myself to feel it. When I don’t live up to my expectations, I will offer myself the grace that I give to others. Retraining my brain in this way might be harder than a more traditional Lenten exercise, but I think it’s a good goal.