First of all, this blaming of the woman in these matters is a slippery slope that leads to a culture of victim blaming. It’s the same mentality that says of a rape victim, “she was asking for it; she should’ve had a longer dress.”
Second, it is latently sexist in two ways. One, it sets a double standard. After all, it should go both ways, so why don’t we admonish men to keep their shirts loose and on so women don’t get all hot and bothered by their bulging biceps and six pack abs? Why don’t we consider neckties immodest since they’re essentially a giant arrow pointing to the phallus? Two, it does men a disservice by assuming they are so base that they cannot espy a bare shoulder or knee without obsessing about all the dirty things they want to do to its owner. Are men so unevolved?
Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘but, Maresha, men are wired differently. They’re turned on by sight much easier than women.’ Okay, if you want to talk about our wiring in order to blame the other sex, let it be known that women are turned on aurally. Therefore, men shouldn’t speak, lest your deep manly baritone makes us all trembly and starts us fantasizing about the things you could be whispering in our ears with that voice.
In those youth group lessons, 1 Timothy 2:9 is the verse that gets quoted to shame girls. This is done while ignoring three things. One, the verse is about conduct during worship, not a dress code for daily life. Two, it somehow never occurs to people that the modesty of this passage might have more to do with not flaunting wealth since it specifies gold, pearls and costly array. Three, like much of what Paul writes in his letters, these passages were for a specific people at a specific place and point in time. Modesty is cultural. We no longer have a problem with braided hair or require women to cover their heads. (Unless you’re Amish, in which case, why are you reading my blog on the internet?) In earlier times, ankles were scandalous but boobs practically fell out of women’s corsets. Today, we have reverse ideas about those body parts. In India, it is immodest to show shoulders but saris often reveal midriffs. In Turkmenistan I was thankful that the Russians dressed sluttier than I did so I could wear my shorts and tanks without trouble. But I don’t like that I called their outfits “sluttier” because it implied that they themselves were slutty, and they weren’t. They were very conservative in their attitudes toward sex. Their clothing choices were a reflection of their wealth and ability to access Western wear, not an attempt to get laid.
Which leads me to another point, which is that women don’t dress for men. When I wear a tank top it’s not to attract a man; I do that with my brain and ultimate Frisbee skills. No, I wear tank tops to spare people my excess sweat in hot weather. So if you catch a rogue bra strap from underneath just remember my clothing choice is about controlling B.O. and that might help you control your lust.
Sure, we should teach girls (and boys) to dress with a certain amount of discretion; I’m not saying that people should wear two postage stamps and a thong if they feel like it. But it’s very disturbing to me that we focus so much more energy on teaching modest dress and creating legalistic rules (no more than 2” above the knee) than we do on Jesus’ admonition that “whoever looks on a woman with lust has committed adultery in his heart” (Matt. 5:28) and to “not judge on appearance.” (John 7:24) Too often the trend in these matters is to blame women and give men a free pass, as in Pat Robertson’s recent advice to a woman whose husband cheated on her. He told her “men are like that” and wondered if she was doing enough to please her husband in bed. Well, Pat, when Lorena Bobbitt dealt with her husband’s infidelity, did you excuse her by saying, “well, you know hell hath no fury…”? No? Hmm. Christianity is about rising above our sinful nature, and it is wrong to blame someone else for our sin or make excuses by saying we’re ‘wired’ that way. I’m wired to want nice things, that doesn’t make it okay for me to covet and it isn’t my neighbor’s fault for having nice things. We don’t blame rich people for creating a “stumbling block” by driving nice cars.
Note: I was booted off a Facebook page over this topic. Indeed, that was the impetus for this essay. Christian Memes recently posted this on their page: “Before you curse cold, rainy, overcast, and groggy days, consider that maybe it's God's way of getting some girls to dress more conservatively.” Here was my response in their comment section, “Sure, then let’s see what God can do about the latent sexism in some strains of Christianity. (Oh right, Deborah, Jael, Huldah, Anna, Priscilla, Esther, Galatians 3:28, etc.) If I lust after a man for being shirtless, that’s my fault, not his for not wearing a shirt. Same thing when a guy lusts after a girl in a tank top.” For this, folks, I was booted. I didn’t use any swear words or insult anyone, I just dared to point out the way this attitude blames women for guys’ lust issues. This was apparently too much for them because they haven’t even returned my email inquiry into why I was banned. Real mature, Christian Memes, real mature.